Alex (telos)

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<infobox> <title source="name"> <default>Alex (telos)</default> </title> <image source="image">

</image> <group> <label>Aliases</label> <label>Banter level</label> <label>Location</label> <label>Age</label> <label>Affiliations</label> <label>Past affiliations</label> </group> <group> <header>Physical description</header> <label>Height</label> <label>Dick length</label> <label>Mental disorders</label> </group> </infobox> NOTE: Alex and Thom are potentially the same person. It is undecided whether they're two different individual entities-- as Ernest is too retarded to remember who is who. Racer X; informally known as 'Alex' is a ruthless killer of other people's jokes (see: sunday mass), and one of the only two remaining sentient living human beings left in North America; a continent irreversibly plagued by SJWs, politicians, Trump, Hillary & even worse-- Bernie supporters... Rednecks, black people, Mexicans, lumberjacks, a few Eskimos, Trump himself, YouTubers, adult babies, actual babies, Christians, racist police officers, non-racist police officers, PEN15 club members, faggots, people who furiously believe that there are more than 2 genders, and also colour their hair in various unnatural hair colours, an insanely huge amount of fat people and-- OK LOOK! There's so much mental retardation in the continent, it's plagued by war, Americanization to the MAX and drug cartels. Though fortunately, people who create horrible run-along-sentences are either exiled to Europe or RDM'd.

Alex's weapon of choice is the Degreaser from Team Fortress 2

Despite the insanely hostile environment, Alex has managed to exist and even co-exist with some of these creatures. Nobody knows how he has managed to stay sane[1] for his 79 (+/- 100) years of life, but he's here and capable of informing us about North America. That can only mean he hacked the NA Matrix server.

[1]UPDATE: Intel shows that Alex was never actually sane in the first place, and that this was all a game of mirrors and obfuscation.

Alex is one of the people in the LP:MC lore to have a job. Living in NA, he earns an insanely huge ammount of financial compensation during the summer (albeit with demanding and long-lasting labour shifts). This is negated due to heavy and unforseen expenses, and an inconsistent workload. His job is a literal three-sided coinflip on whether it's amazing or shitty. With prospects of hoping to leave this all behind and enroll in post-secondary education, Alex finds himself stuck in a rut of which he physically cannot climb out of. This of course is only The Matrix's set up reality, or due to the fact that he is simply unfunny (more on that later).

Similar to Bailey, Alex displays all symptoms of being a fan of the comedy trio known as "Million Dollar Extreme". This could very well be because he isn't a pussy and actually admits to liking their degenerate content.